No Easy Guy

Short story
By Baba Galleh Jallow

Dr. Bopagi Botiharr Kakatarr, managing director of Daaneko Enterprises, was a famous guy in our little town. With a bachelor’s degree in Wahology from the famous University of Kungfeteng, a Masters degree in Jahaseh Techniques from Hiding University and a PhD in Windpiping from the prestigious University of Mattafoof, Dr. Bopagi Botiharr Kakatarr was a veritable walking encyclopedia of universal knowledge.


Not only was Bopagi Botiharr smart, he was also fast. He could fly to heaven and come back to earth within the wink of an eye. He liked to boast that he was the wind that blew without moving, the light that flashed without shining. And if you really doubted these words, you would be convinced when you hear him tell how he single-handedly grabbed all the heavenly bodies in his single palm and flung them off to nowhere!



Dr. Bopagi Botiharr, alias Mumble, did not in fact mumble when he spoke. His speech was clear as crystal and his voice loud as thunder, though sharp and not ear splitting like cackling rumbling of the angry clouds. Bopagi Botiharr spoke in soft, but clear and measured tones, and was always careful to ask his audience to listen with more than two ears because what he was saying was a matter of life and death to all concerned. Sometimes, to emphasize his points, he would cluck like a duck and smack his lips in the manner of a well-drunk gentleman. Indeed, his manner of speech alone was enough to send our common townsfolk exclaiming in delight and thanking their stars that they had such a vocal guy in their midst.



It is simply impossible to list all the great qualities of our famous Dr. Bopagi Botiharr Kakatarr. Suffice it to say that he was an all-in-one, or a one-in-all depending on how you look at it. If you heard how Bopagi Botiharr claimed that he could jump so high that his head would hit the sky, or that he could pluck a star from heaven and put it in his breast pocket, or indeed that if he so wished, he could make Fidel Castro young again, then you would know that this famous guy was not to be messed with. He had a way of staring at you and raising his lips to heaven when he spoke that you just felt like falling at his feet and calling him sir. “Listen, listen,” he would say. “This is not about what you think it is about. It is about something you don’t understand. I’ll explain.” This wise exhortation would be followed by a gentle pause, the prelude to the release of a well-crafted piece of oratory that sent all our common townsfolk squealing and squeaking in total delight.



If Bopagi Botiharr told you that no one could break his words, or that his resolve was harder than iron, you better believe him. For the guy had a way of doing things that just defies classification. You should see him summon the whole world to his mind and deliver to them such a rousing speech that they would all raise their hands and open their mouths in a universal hail of the great Bopagi Botiharr. They would create such a clamor that all the birds would fly in fright and the surprised sheep would turn their heads and loudly bleat. Whereby Bopagi Botiharr would cluck like a duck and smack his lips like a well-drunk gentleman and wait for the noise to die down before letting fly his other points.



Bopagi Botiharr was a master of civilizations. He liked to say that he was not only a walking book, but also a walking civilizana. He claimed to be particularly versed in the complex world of western civilization. Sometimes, when he was in a particularly good mood, Bopagi Botiharr would plunge into a learned exposition of early modern European civilization. He was a particular darling of the Italian renaissance and would make it especially clear that he was neither a popolo minute nor a popolo grossos. “I am in fact,” he would say, “a popolo grandi, if you know what I mean,” tilting his lips to the heavens and staring straight into the amazed faces of our common townsfolk. Clucking like a duck and smacking his lips like a well-drunk gentleman, Bopagi Botiharr would add: “And as a popolo grandi, my task is to build the world of human intelligence and make sure that those who doubt my capacities wake up on the wrong side of their beds. I just mean to say that I am no easy guy, and you folks know that.” Thus it was that if our common townsfolk wanted to hear some really juicy stuff from our great Dr. Bopagi Botiharr, they would simply and loudly hail him popolo grandi or tap him softly on the back and say, “hey, you really are no easy guy.”